Interview with the Vampires, Twilight Style
by vAMPLIFIED
Summary: Why is the cast at Hogwarts? Why has Hannah Montana taken Bella captive? WHY IS JAKE WEARING FISHNETS? R&R to find out. "So, Jacob, you raped my mom..." -Nessie
1. Twilight Interview

**(A/N: Idk, I got bored so I decided to do a short little Twilight interview. My friends and teachers have been wondering exactly what I daydream about in Science, fanfics of course! Not my best work, but this is one of my more random daydreams… anyways, it's better than watching an old video about AIDS and guys with huge funky glasses from the 80's, xD If people reply and find this funny I may write another one for Harry Potter or Eragon… If you like this read Christine Wilke's fanfics for what not to do to the Eragon characters, if she ever gets back online we'll have to make an Eragon interview together! She also loves Harry potter to, so there's another possibility. Thanks for all of the nice reviews everyone! My cat was sitting on my desk reading the reviews with me, so flames are allowed, but beware, my fat Himilayan may EETCHU! Please R&R!)**

**BETWEEN THE LINES TALK SHOW**

Katy Alcott: Good morning, viewers, and welcome to the Between the Lines talk show!! I'm your host and interviewer, Katy Alcott!

-Cricket chirping-

KA: calls to the side Joe, where's that little button thingy that has the audience noises?

-Murmuring from backstage-

KA: What!? America's Funniest Home Videos is borrowing it? Pfft, that _Bob Saget _isn't even funny.

-More murmuring-

KA: I know the other guy took over, but he isn't funny either, and I don't really _care_ that you've been mourning over the cancellation of Full House for the past fourteen years. Get a life; it's back on Nick at Nite anyways…

-More murmuring-

KA: Good I'm glad you're happy now – Wha? We're live? Oh crap, umm… Sorry about the interruption, viewers—

-More murmuring-

KA: It doesn't matter because we only have 3 viewers, what!?

-MORE murmuring-

KA: The producer, my grandma, and some old guy in his underwear that lives in his mom's basement? Oh, hum, Hi, Mamaw! –Waves at camera- Sorry, I _know_ I'm not supposed to say the word 'crap'… hehe…

-MORE MURMURING-

KA: Okay, sorry, we've wasted too much time, now we'll go to our commercial break, but when we get back we'll show you our guests for tonight's show! …

-Extended silence and MORE murmuring backstage-

KA: We suck so much we don't have any affiliates or any funding or _anything_? Whoops, sorry Mamaw.

-MORE CRICKETS!-

KA: Sure, we have cricket noises but no audience applause. Stupid Bob Saget… Sorry Mamaw! Erm, anyways, let's meet our guests, Stephanie Meyer's Edward, Jacob and Bella from Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse!!

-Edward and Jacob and Jacob walk out followed by more crickets-

KA: Wait, where's Bella?

Edward: She's going into labor.

KA & Jacob: WHAT!? HOW'D THAT HAPPEN!?

Edward: Well—

KA: Okay, just shut up, Edward. Please, we have children watching.

Edward: I thought your youngest viewer was the forty-year old perverted guy in his underwear living in his mom's basement.

KA: Perverted?

Edward: He—

KA: No, no, I don't want to know. But anyways, my producer is 38 so HA! Wait, why aren't you with Bella to comfort her?

Edward: I'll know when she's almost ready...

-Jacob growls-

KA: Okey-dokey then, give her my best. Anyways, time for the first question—

Edward: Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

KA: I didn't even ask the question yet! Wait… oh yeah, you can read minds, okay then, Jacob?

Jacob: I can't read your mind. -.-;;

KA: Right, right, okay, what's your favorite song?

Jacob: -starts humming song from Advantix commercial-

KA: What?

Jacob: I said 'There ain't no bugs on me. There ain't no bugs on me, there may be bugs on some of you mugs, but there ain't no bugs on me!'

KA & Edward: o.0

Edward: You're an excellent singer, Jake; I'd love to see Simon Cowell rip you to shreds if you auditioned for American Idol.

Jacob: What? That's mean; Billy says I'm a pretty singer.

KA: Okay, ANYWAYS next question – WAIT EDWARD!

Edward: It's a question for Jacob anyways.

KA: SHUT UP!! Sorry Mamaw. Okay, JACOB. Ahem, what would you do if you imprinted on a guy.

-Emmett bursts out laughing behind Katy-

-Katy screams-

KA: ACK! Where did you come from?

Emmett: Hehe, I'm taking Bella's place.

Jacob: Ew, that's odd.

Edward: Yeah, so is you imprinting on a guy.

KA: Just answer the question!

Jacob: Who says I haven't already?

-Emmett and Edward almost die laughing-

KA: W-T-C?

Jacob: Wait, that came out wrong. –Pulls out 'Bad Comebacks for Dummies'-

KA: Erm, while you're looking that up, I guess I'll ask "Bella" his question.

Edward: -falls off chair laughing- Good luck, Emmett!

KA: Well, sorry, this is just the question in my script. Okay, "Bella", being perfectly honest, have you ever had any "special contact" with any other men?

Emmett: Are you accusing me of being gay?

KA: No it's supposed to be a question for—

Emmett: Because if you're calling me gay—

KA: NO! Please don't hurt me! –Cowers-

-Jacob snorts-

Emmett: Shut up _dog_, you just admitted you were gay, poor Bella.

Edward: Would you shut up, Jacob?

Jacob: I didn't say anything.

Edward: No, it's your stupid fantasies, and this time with—

Jacob: No, it's not like that, I swear! I was thinking about Bella—

Edward: What!?

Jacob: And then she just mentioned men and my brain just—

KA: ARGH! I QUIT! You guys are complete IDIOTS! I thought you guys were so pwnful in the books, but no, I think Stephanie Meyer's awesomeness just made you look good. I QUIT!

Edward, Emmett, and Jacob: …

-Katy stomps off stage-

Edward: She didn't even get to my question… I'm hurt…

-Everyone stands awkwardly on stage a moment-

Emmett: There's still ten minutes left until they go off air…

Edward: Crap, here I come Bella! –Dashes off stage suddenly-

-Emmett and Jacob remain awkwardly on stage-

Jacob: Now what do we do?

Emmett: Just. Don't. TOUCH ME!


	2. At The Hospital

**(A/N: I wasn't planning to continue with this fanfic, I was actually going to write interviews for other books, but a whole bunch of people asked, and I got a bunch of people adding it as their story alert, so here's another part! Thank you so much for everyone's nice comments on the first chapter, although I'm not sure if this one will be as funny, and a big thanks to lolcats-r-hot for the idea to go into the hospital. I don't obsess with editing over weeks and months, I usually type a chapter of something, read after a few hours, edit and then send, so that's how this one came out so fast. Oh, and I don't know how they're still on T.V. after the cameramen leave, but oh well. Thanks for reading!)**

**AT THE HOSPITAL**

Edward: Bella, are you all right?

Bella: -Taking deep breaths- What are those cameramen doing here?

Edward: What? –snarls-

Cameraman 1: Say hi to the camera, Bells!

-Bella screams in agony-

Edward: GET OUT! –slams door-

**MEANWHILE AT THE SWANN HOUSEHOLD**

Charlie: Bella, is that you? NOOOO!!!! I'm a grandpa at thirty-eight!

**BACK AT THE HOSPITAL**

-Jacob pops up-

Bella: Jacob? Get out!

Jacob: It's a girl!

Edward: It hasn't even been born yet, besides, what do you know about babies?

Jacob: -Pulls out Bad Comebacks for Dummies again- I'll show you a baby!

-Emmett flies by window in hot air balloon-

Emmett: MY VIRGINITY!!! NOOOOO!!!!!

Edward &Bella: o.0

**MEANWHILE AT THE CULLEN HOUSEHOLD**

Rosalie: Emmett? What have you done? And to think I—

Alice: What on earth am I doing here? I know I should be doing something about this…

Jasper: Your pom-poms are upstairs, -.-;;

Alice: Oh yeah, that's right, I should be cheering on Bella! –poofs-

**BACK AT THE HOSPITAL**

KA: I'm back!

Edward: Oh no! I though you quit.

KA: I'm a good actor, aren't I? Now we have a lot more viewers, and I get to be funnier than that Bob Saget! Okay, now. Bella, since I didn't get to interview you before…

Bella: -wheezes- This… is not… a good… time…

KA: Maybe not, but a good interviewer knows it may be the only time—

-Alice crashes through the window and knocks over Katy-

Alice: Whoops…

Carlisle: Just breathe Bella—Great, that annoying interviewers dead.

Alice: Well sorry, gosh.

Carlisle: Did you hear any sarcasm in my voice?

Bella: What are you doing Alice?

Alice: I'm your personal cheer squad, duh!

Jacob: -snort- You probably can't even cheer, or do a cartwheel, or—

Alice: Don't get all up in my Kool-Aid! –does snapping thingy-

Edward: Ugh, Alice, you've been watching to many bad cheerleading sitcoms.

-Bella wails-

Alice: Hmph, wait, where's Emmett?

Carlisle & Edward: … You do NOT want to know.

Alice: And the cameramen?

**OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL**

-Cameramen filming random stuff since they still have cameras but have been fired-

Cameraman 1: Ohmegee, what is that ladybug doing to that other ladybug?

Cameraman 2: Well, when two ladybugs—

Cameraman 3: This is NOT Discovery Channel!

Cameraman 2: Then—

Cameraman 3: OR ANIMAL PLANET!

Cameraman 4: Ohmegee, the camera's on the air…

Cameramen 1,2&3: Crap.

**BACK IN THE HOSPITAL**

Alice: Okay. Ahem. 2, 4 6, 8, WHO DO WE APPRECIATE!?

Jacob: Who?

Alice: CHARLIE, RENEE, ELIZABETH AND EDWARD SR., CHARLIE, RENEE, ELIZABETH AND EDWARD SR., GO CHARLIE, RENEE, ELIZABETH AND EDWARD SR., WOOOOOOOO!

Carlisle: What on earth are you doing Alice?

Alice: Cheering for Edward and Bella's parents, of course!!

Carlisle: Why?

Alice: Because without them—

-Bella cries again-

Alice: Erm, Bella, I know you're a vampire now—

Jacob: WHAT!?

Alice: Yep, good thing the cameramen aren't in here—

**BACK AT THE SWANN HOUSEHOLD**

Charlie: Ooh, Alice has got mad cheerleading skills, wait, what? Vampire?

**BACK AT THE HOSPITAL**

Alice: Anyways, Bella, are you craving bacon?

Bella: What?

Alice: Because I know when women are pregnant they get random cravings, and so I was wondering if you wanted some bacon.

Bella: NO!

Carlisle: Here it comes!

MUCH LATER

-Edward, Alice an Jacob in waiting room-

Jacob: Alice, does this shirt make me look fat?

Alice: Eh, no, why?

Jacob: Hmm, maybe it's not me, maybe Emmett will start getting—

Carlisle: It's a girl!

Jacob: Muahaha, I was right!

Edward: What's her name?

Carlisle: Bella said Cassidy.

Edward: Why Cassidy?

Carlisle: Bunny said so.

Edward: So Bunny named her?

Carlisle: Yep.

-Cameraman 1 runs through waiting room crying-

Cameraman 1: NO! My youthful innocence!

Cameraman 2: -Runs after him- And then the two ladybugs…

Carlisle: Awkward… Okay, so now how do we get rid of that dead corpse?

-Emmett stumbles in-

Emmett: Hey, Alice, does this shirt make me look fat?

Alice: … o.0

Emmett: Well?

Edward: Omg.


	3. Back on the Set

**(A/N: My brother read bits and pieces of the past two chapters, I couldn't let him read all of it or else… well, he's nine, so yeah. Anyways, he's never read the books but he wants me to make him look good so he wants to be in one of my fanfics. I swear you're psychic, lolcats-r-hot, because this next one is back at the studio, My brother wanted to pick his name, so that's why it's "Zack Bell" stupid eh? Hehe, like "Zatch Bell" but – whatever. Anyways, he picked it since he's the knew interviewer, and maybe this one will last longer… Thanks for reading, please R&R!)**

**BACK AT THE STUDIO**

Zack Bell: Good evening, viewers, and welcome to the Between the Lines talk show! I'm your –cough- new –cough- host, and interviewer, Zack Bell! Let's meet our guests tonight. Please welcome Stephanie Meyer's Edward, Alice, Jacob and Emmett!

-Edward, Alice and Jacob walk out-

ZB: Oh no, this show is following in Katy's footsteps… dare I ask?

Alice: Shoot.

ZB: -Gulp- Where's… Emmett…?

Alice: Well I cheered for Bella and all, and I should be at the hospital now, but, well, like, it's okay when you're cheering for your pregnant sister, but cheering for your pregnant brother, that's just _weird_, so I—

ZB: Okay, okay, _thank you_ Alice, I really needed to know that. Who's the other lucky father?

Jacob: -Points finger at Edward- I SWEAR it was him!! I didn't do anything? Why are you accusing me of gay that is soooo racist! Why would a leech and a wolf get together, I mean, isn't leechxleech more predictable, and more likely?

ZB: … o.0

Jacob: I DIDN'T DO IT!

ZB: Nobody said you did…

Jacob: Exactly, know they didn't because I'm soooo persuasive, even though everybody already knows I'm innocent,

Edward: WOULD YOU SHUT UP, ALICE!?

Alice: What? I'm not doing anything?

Edward: I don't feeling like hearing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song in your head right now.

Alice: Oh, okay, I can sing it out loud. WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA!? –Gets out pom-poms-

Edward: You still have those?

Jacob: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!

Alice: Yeah, at least someone has spirit. AND NOBODY KNOWS THIS LINE BECAUSE THE PIRATE TALKS TO FAST!

Jacob: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!

Alice: AND SOMETHING AND SOMETHING AND SOMETHING ELSE!

Jacob: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!

Alice: READY?

Alice & Jacob: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPNATS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS SPONGE BOB SQUAREPANTS, SPONGEBOB, SQUAREPAAAAAAANTS!

Jacob: Can you play that nose flute thing Spongebob does at the end?

Alice: Idk, maybe _EDWARD_ can!

Edward: _What_?

Alice: I've seen you do it in the living room while you were watching Spongebob; you're really good at it!

Edward: What are you talking about?

Alice: DO IT!!

Edward: Why?

Alice: Because if you don't our theme song won't be right and we'll have to sing it again!

Edward: Oh gosh, FINE! –Does nose trumpety flute thing-

Jacob: Oh, so is that why Bella picked you? Because you have mad trumpeting nose flute skills?

ZB: Shut up! Spongebob stinks, why aren't you singing the Fairly Odd Parents? Jazz is better than Pirate rap.

Edward: Rap?

ZB: Sure, he talks fast, right?

Alice: What ev, oh, you know what I should do? I should go cheer Wanda on when she has her baby!

Jacob: What?

Alice: Yeah! Cosmo and Wanda are having a baby!

**(A/N: Really, February 18****th****!! Be there!)**

Jacob: Cool, Edward, we should make a fanclub!

Edward: of what?

Jacob: You, me and Cosmo are all going to be fathers!

Edward: … o.0

Jacob: I know, right!?

ZB: Now that that's over with, it's time for the questions!! Woot! Okay, question number one. This is a question for all of you.

Edward: Oh, please no! Alice knows that song all too well…

ZB: Shut up! And quit reading my mind… Okay, are you… Smarter than a 5th Grader!?

Alice: -Gasps- THAT'S MY FAVORITE SONG! BUT I ONLY KNOW THE FIRST SEVEN WORDS!! Wait, where are my pom-poms?

Jacob: Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? –Does pom-pom stuff-

Alice: You stole my pom-poms, you dog!

Jacob: Well they make my look pretty, and they are so my color. They take 2.4 inches off my waist, and Emmett jokingly calls me his trophy wife.

ZB: … o.0 Okay, next question. What are your favorite songs?

Edward: I already said mine last time.

Jacob: Me too, but can I change it?

ZB: Fine Edward. Whatever, Jacob.

Jacob: Okay… Mine is the POKEMON THEME SONG! WOOT, WOOT! I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST…

Alice: Shut up, Jacob, nobody wants to hear you sing. Well, mine is the Numa Numa. MAYA HEEEEEE, MAYA HOOOOO, MAYA HAAAAAAA, MAYA HA HA!

Jacob: -continues- POKEMON, GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!

ZB: Thanks for watching folks, but these guys are driving me crazy. That's all the time we have for tonight, but tune in next week for our next batch of guests! (Which will probably be these same lunatics since nobody else will volunteer!) Thank you and good night!

**(A/N: I can't get rid of this fanfic, it's too fun, so don't worry, I'll probably make another! I don't think this one is as funny as the past two chapters, but I hope you enjoyed it!)**


	4. American Idol Auditions

**(A/N: Muahaha, I just got another idea for this, I can't make enough interviews! This just goes to show how random my thoughts get when not properly contained. I know this one doesn't come to close to the other three, but I hope you still enjoy. Thanks to all of my friendly reviewers! I know it's not really an interview anymore since they're in American Idol, but oh well, same basic idea. Thanks for reading!!)**

**AT THE AMERICAN IDOL AUDITIONS**

Ryan Seacrest: Good day viewers, today our judges have traveled all the way to the tiny town of Forks, Washington for their auditions. There are some, erm, _lovely_ people here, but will anyone here get to go to Hollywood and be the next American Idol?

-American Idol theme and stupid commercials-

RS: Welcome back to—

Zack Bell: How come _you_ guys have commercials? You have a stupid rigged show anyways, you don't even—

RS: SECURITY!

ZB: WAIT! AMERICA DESERVES TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT—

RS: Hehe, please excuse that disruption. Anyways, today we'll have our first contestant… -glances at script- Edward Cullen!

-Edward walks up-

RS: So Edward, how're you feeling today?

Edward: Okay, I guess—

RS: Great, you can go right after this commercial break!

-A.I. Theme and commercials-

RS: All right, welcome back! Well, Edward, you can go on in, then!

-Edward walks in-

Paula: -has a thing for cute boys- Hey, Edward! What are you going to sing for us today:33333

Edward: Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus:)

**(A/N: Also my fav song!)**

Simon: Whenever you're ready.

Edward: -Blows them away- When I see your smile, tears run down my face I can't replace. And now that I'm strong I have figured out, how this world turns cold and breaks through my soul. And I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one. I will never let you fall; I stand next to you forever. I'll be next to you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven. Cuz you're my true love, my whole heart, please don't throw that away…

-Randy, Paula and Simon all entranced in song and forget to stop him-

Paula: Oh, erm, _amazing_! Randy?

Randy: Sweet.

Paula: I say yes, Simon?

Simon: Three yes's you're through to Hollywood!

Edward: Awesome! –Runs out and celebrates with Bella-

RS: Good, good, next we have… Mike Newton!

Mike: Hi mommy:3

RS: Okay, Mike, and think the judges are ready… right after this commercial break!

Mike: What!?

-A.I. theme and commercials-

RS: Okay, Mike, go ahead in.

-Mike walks in-

Paula: Hey, mike, what are you going to sing for us today?

Mike: I'm singing Avril Lavinge's Girlfriend, with a few adjustments…

Simon: I'm scared.

Randy: Yo, man, whenever you're ready dawg.

Mike: Okay, ahem. –Screeches off tune- Hey, hey, Bella, I don't like your boyfriend, no way, now way, I think you need a new one, hey, hey, Bella, I'll be your boyfriend!

Simon: STOP, PLEASE!! Mike, have you ever heard of William Hung?

Mike: Yeah, he's my idol!

Simon: Figures, well, go sing a duet or something with him, you're a perfect match. Paula?

Paula: Sorry, it's a no.

Simon: Randy?

Randy: Word.

Simon: That's three no's, I think, goodbye.

-Mike runs out happily-

RS: Um, so, how do you feel?

Mike: Great! They said they're as awesome as my idol, William Hung, and that I should sing with him! Forget you, idol, I'm off to… wherever he lives!!

RS: … Okey dokey, then, whatever makes you happy, next up we have Sam Uley, right after this commercial break!

-A.I. Theme and then commercials-

RS: Welcome back, and next up we have Sam Uley! Sam, how're you feeling today?

Sam: Pretty good, I'm going to sing my favorite song today, I know the lines like the back of my hand everything, so pretty confident.

RS: Great! Go on in, then!

-Sam walks in-

Randy: Yo, dawg, what're you going to sing, man? Word.

Sam: I am going to sing my favorite song.

Simon: Which would be… ?

Sam: A surprise, of course!

Simon: Gawd, I'm scared, o.o

Sam: There ain't no bugs me, there ain't no bugs on me, there may be bugs on some of you mugs, but there ain't no bugs on me!

Paula: Eh… the song from the Advantix commercial?

Sam: ONE MORE TIME!!

Simon: Oh gawd, no, please STOP!

Same: There ain't no bugs on me—

Paula: Security!?

-Security walks up and takes Sam away-

Sam: -Shouts back- THERE MAY BE BUGS ON SOME OF YOU MUGS BUT THERE AIN'T NO BUGS ON MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

-Secuity slams door-

RS: Erm, what a grand finale, Sam. How do you think you did?

Sam: I'm so great they couln't put it to words, so they'll probably contact me later after they get after their speechlessness. :-)

-Sam skips off cheerfully with Emily-

RS: … o.0 Well, now for our next singers, a duet! –Glances at script- Jacob Black and Alice Cullen, doing a duet!

-Alice and Jacob walk up-

RS: So how are you two feeling today?

Alice: Confident, and I can wait for America to see my wonderful talents!

Jacob: Meh. But I have a pwnful costume!

RS: -Looks down- Erm, Jacob, why are you wearing a cloak?

Jacob: Muahahaha…

RS: I'm scared now. The last time we had a guy in a dark cloak was the fat hairy guy in a bikini… o.0 Well, I think the judges are ready for you, go on in… right after this commercial break!

-A.I. theme and commercials-

RS: Okay, let's hope the judges are ready for you…

-Alice and Jacob walk in-

Paula: Hey guys! And your names are…

Simon: Alice and Jacob, -.-;;

Randy: Yo, dawg, what are you wearing, man, dawg, yo?

Jacob: THEY KNOW MY SECRET, LET'S RUN!

Alice: Calm down, he calls everyone dawg.

Randy: Yo, dawg, word.

Simon: What on earth are you wearing?

Jacob: My costume.

Simon: o.0

Paula: Warn us while you can… do you need a wax? You can come back after—

Jacob: NO I'M ONLY 17!!

Paula: O-okay, then, whenever you're ready.

Alice: Okay, ahem. One, two three, four, GOOFY GOOBA!

Jacob: ROCK!

Alice: DUN DA DA DUN, DUN DA DA DUN, WE'RE ALL GOOFY GOOBAS!

Jacob: ROCK!!

ALICE: GOOFY, GOOFY, GOOFY, GOOFY GOOBAS!

Jacob: -takes of cloak-

-Randy and Simon: o.0

Paula: MY EYES:(

Jacob: -Stands there in fishnets- ROCK!!!

**(A/N: It's still hilarious, but you may not really get it unless if you've seen the Spongebob movie, and remember Patrick wearing fishnets ;D)**

Alice: WE'RE ALL—

Simon: Stop, stop, and just get out!

Alice: Can we try something else…?

Randy: Yo, man, dawg, no.

Alice: I didn't see that coming.

-Alice and Jacob walk out-

RS: o.0 … Jacob?

Jacob: THEY ONLY PICK THE PRETTY BOYS WITH THE COOL HAIR AND CLOTHES AND STUFF!!! T.T

Emmett: It's okay, hon.

-Jake sniffs-

-Alice, Jacob, Emmett, and Jake-Emmett JR. stalk out-

RS: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight, tune in next week when we go to Nashville, TN, goodnight!

**(A/N: I never thought I'd say this, but I'm sort of out of ideas, so… PM me what you want to see next, if you don't I won't make any more beautiful interviews:( Well, I will when I get more inspiration, but that may take a while… Anyways, PLEASE R&R, OR MY KITTY'LL EAT YOU!! (link to my fat kitty on my profile :K) Thanks for reading!)**


	5. The Daddy Club Meeting!

**(A/N: I finally finished Hell's Unforgiven, so I'm back to this until I get ideas for the extra Ben chappies:) By the way, this chapter is continued from another parody I made that's called Twilight and Harry Potter Randomneshes, or something like that, but it's really bad so you don't have to read it, just know that Harry and Ron are daddies, too, and this is The Daddy Club meeting! Yay! Thanks for reading!)**

**THE FIRST OFFICIAL DADDY CLUB MEETING**

**Edward: Ohmigawsh, and what are we doing in Bella's old room again?**

**Ron: Our Daddy meeting, silly!**

**Edward: Charlie's right downstairs—**

**Jacob: Oh, Charlie's a daddy too, we should invite him up here!**

**Edward: If Charlie knew that four teenage boys were sitting up in her room he'd bust a vein.**

**-Bella barges through the door and screams-**

**Bella: What are you doing here!?**

**Harry: Hey Bella! Sorry, you have to get out since you aren't a Daddy.**

**Bella: What? o.0 **

**Jacob: It's okay, we haven't officially begun yet; we're still waiting for Cosmo and Emmett.**

**Bella: GET OUT!**

**Edward: Great, Charlie's—**

**Charlie: Bella, what are you doing?**

**Bella: I—**

**Charlie: Ooh, is this a Daddy meeting? –Sees sign-**

**Sign: IT'S A DADDY MEETING! –GIRL at the end is crossed out-**

**Harry: How'd you guess, are you a fortuneteller? –Honestly surprised-**

**Charlie: Will you give me twenty bucks if I say yes?**

**Harry: Um, sure—**

**Charlie: Then yes!**

**-Emmett crashes through the window-**

**Emmett: Lalala, here I am!**

**Ron: You aren't really a Daddy, you know.**

**Emmett: How come? T.T**

**Ron: You're the one that gave birth, duh!**

**Emmett: Oh no you _didn't_**

**Ron: Yeah, I didn't. You did.**

**Edward: And plus, you creep me out by what you just said, Emmett.**

**Emmett: Oh yeah, well… YOU HAVE A GIRLY VOICE! So neh!**

**Edward: Me?**

**Emmett: No, Ron!**

**Ron: What?**

**Emmett: Yeah, and… well, then that means that Cosmo isn't—**

**-Cosmo bursts through the window-**

**Cosmo: Aw, It was already crashed through; I didn't get to break it first.**

**Harry: Wowmigawsh you're like... two-deminsional, o.0**

**Emmett: Cosmo, you can't be here, just go poof away!**

**Cosmo: Why? T.T**

**Harry: You gave birth to your baby!**

**Cosmo: Does that make Wanda the daddy?**

**Jacob: Does it?**

**Edward: Hmm… that makes about as much since as a cannibalistic stick of broccoli. Okay, just let him in.**

**Ron: What-EVER!**

**Jacob: First we need a theme song. I was thinking… Fergalicious!**

**Charlie: Ooh, I could get down wit dat—**

**Bella: DAD, DON'T TRY! **

**Charlie: Hmph, fine, how about I Like To Move It?**

**Ron: Awww, I wanted Hannah Montana:(**

**Harry: No, _I _want Hannah Montana!**

**Jacob: FERGIE!**

**Charlie: LITTLE LEMURS!**

**Ron & Harry: HANNAH MONTANA!**

**Cosmo: Jonas Brothers!**

**Jacob, Charlie, Ron & Harry: What!?**

**Edward: SHUT UP! _I_ was thinking Rihanna!**

**Jacob, Charlie, Ron & Harry: … o.0**

**Charlie: Cree-py.**

**Cosmo: xDDD! You said PEE!!**

**Jacob: Meh, this fanfiction is a total disaster.**

**Harry: Whatever, onto the next debate; a group president.**

**Edward: So we'll have, like, elections?**

**Ron: That's a great idea!**

**Bella: Oh, no.**

**(A/N: Muahahaha, elections coming up next, o.0 Sorry about all the song fluff, I was listening to the Glamorous Workout Remix when I wrote this so I just got the urge… xD Yes, I watched the Fairly Odd Baby Special Delivery, get over it, Poof the baby is cooler than you, unless you review, of course, ;) M&M kudos to everyone that does, thanks!)**


	6. The Elections! Dun dun dunnnn!

**(Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews, guys! Nycki and I decided kudos are sooo yesterday, so I'm giving out Swiss Rolls instead:D I hope you get fat! –hinthint-)**

**Edward: … Elections? Oh, no.**

**Jacob: Oh YEAH! I am sooooo going to win!**

**Harry: Nobody in their right mind would vote for you.**

**Jacob: Fine then, I'll just go make my speeches at an asylum!**

**Charlie: Muahahahahahaha!**

**Edward, Jacob, Harry, Ron, & Bella: What was that for?**

**Charlie: Practicing my evil laugh so I can't laugh at you guys when you lose, ;D**

**Bella: I am so out of here.**

**- WOOSH! FLASH FORWARD -**

**Emmett: So… We're here at the Hogwarts dining room to do our speeches?**

**Edward: Yep, there's probably more people here at Hogwarts than in Forks altogether.**

**Jacob: This is going to be fun!**

**Emmett: As long as Dumbledore doesn't come back—**

**Edward: Oh no!**

**Jacob: What?**

**Edward: Oh, nothing, it's just that Dumbledore is actually—**

**Dumbledore: Hello children!**

**Everyone including the Houses: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!**

**Cosmo: Creepeee…. HAHAHA, I SAID PEE!**

**Harry: So who's going first?**

**Edward: I will:)**

**Jacob: Noooo, I will!**

**Ron: I NEVER get to go first! Harry gets ALL of the glory!**

**Cosmo: MEEE!!!**

**Emmett: Naw, me!**

**Harry: I beat you all on Google Wars, so I should!**

**Edward: We'll just see who has the most fans. Who likes ME the most?**

**-All of the girls squeal and faint-**

**Edward: I think that means I go first, ;)**

**Cosmo: Grrr, stupid spiky-haired-bronze-beautiful-mind-reading-know-it-all… Wow, I didn't even know I knew that many words:o**

**-Edward steps up to the pedestal-**

**Edward: Should I be crowned president of the Daddy club, I'll make everything fun, everyone gets to live forever, and we can dance to Rihanna all night long! –gets out a giant iPod and turns on Don't Stop The Music-**

**Jacob: Oh no you don't! –Crashes into iPod and song goes off-**

**Edward: AIE! You stopped the music! Grrr, I'm going to kill you!**

**-Edward and Jacob start fighting in the background-**

**Houses: -All whispering- Daddy club? -insert mad limb here-**

**Emmett: Ooooh, Mad Limb? I LOVE THAT GAME! Did you ever do the one with the monster bisexual baby sitter with three eyes and—**

**Harry: Of course it's a Daddy club, what else?**

**Some random person in Hufflepuff: Wth is the Daddy club, and why do we care?**

**Ron: … Good point.**

**-Jake and Edward still fighting in the background-**

**Emmett: I guess we'll just have to vote amongst ourselves...**

**Harry: Fine, Edward, Jacob, stop fighting. I knew this would happen, I just wanted to go first and have all of my fangirls squealing for me. Before we vote, do I have any fangirls:D**

**Houses: -cricket sounds-**

**Harry: What ev, here's your stupid ballets then.**

**- WOOSH! ANOTHER FLASH FORWARD! -**

**Jacob: Okay, okay, we're done voting, who won:D**

**Harry: Okay, one vote for me, grr… One vote for Ron… One for Emmett… One for Jacob… One for Cosmo… And one for Edward. Well, no one voted for Charlie, so he's out of the running:D**

**Edward: Everyone voted for themselves, didn't they?**

**Ron: I did.**

**Harry: I did.**

**Jacob: I did.**

**Emmett: I did.**

**Cosmo: I did.**

**Edward: Alright, that didn't work—wait, where IS Charlie?**

**Dumbledore: Muahahahahahaha!**

**(If you didn't get it, Dumbledore was Charlie, and if you didn't read my other fanfic, well, Charlie was the one running around in the nude, o.0 Well, so much for the Daddy club, xD I got a lot of people suggesting that I do some more reality shows, but to be honest, I don't watch T.V. as much as I used to, but I have seen Oprah a few times, and I saw The Moment of Truth once, so I'll see what I can do, but how about Survivior:) Remember, you guys need to review so much that you get fat with Swiss Rolls, so start reviewing:D)**


	7. Sharpies, Z's and Pokemon, OH MY!

**(A/N: Okay, so about the reality shows… Idk, I can't think of anything, just waiting for inspiration to fall out of the sky and hit me in the head. UNTIL THEN, I'll just put in some other random casts, this time, POKEMON! FYI: I don't know any Pokemon except for the ubber first 150 and a few from the second season. Many thanks to the pwnful Lanna (lanna-misssunshine) for inspiring me to make another chapter, her stories are sooo much funnier than mine, check them out! Thanks for reading!)**

**-At the Cullen household-**

**-Edward, Bella, Alice and Jake sitting in front of the T.V.-**

**Bella: So… utterly… BORED!**

**Edward: Jacob, what the heack are you doing here?**

**Jake: I'm bored. And nothings good on T.V. right now, stupid Time Warner Cable…. Grrr….**

**Alice: TV! That's what we can do, or, er, watch!**

**Bella: Jake just said nothing good is on.**

**Alice: Maybe so, but we have COMCAST! –dun dun dunnn!-**

**Edward: Whatever. –flips through channels-**

**Jake: AGH! STOP THERE!**

**Edward: What?**

**Jake: THERE!**

**Edward: -goes back a few channels- I Love New York? o.o**

**Alice: Edward, you know NOTHING about VH1! That's Flavor of Love, duh!**

**Jake: NOOO! Kids WB!**

**Bella: Oh gawd, no.**

**Alice: Oh, it's Pokemon! It's been so long…**

**Edward: No, we're not going to watch a kid with little Z's on his face flinging mutated animals in balls everywhere.**

**Alice: Ew.**

**Edward: You have a sickening mind.**

**Jake: Pretty PLEEEEEEEEEASE!**

**-Rosalie runs in-**

**Rosalie: WHERE'S EMMETT?**

**Jake: …**

**Rosalie: WELL?**

**Jake: …Filing divorce papers… T.T**

**Bella: What? Why?**

**Jake: None of his fans wanted him being gay, of course MY fans could care less—**

**Edward: What fans?**

**Jake: SHUT UP! My fans could care less, but noooo, Emmett doesn't want to ruin his reputation, so he rips Emmett-Jake Jr. away from me! –sobs-**

**-Rosalie backs out slowly…-**

**Alice: Hahaha, sucks for you. Now, then, let's watch Pokemon!**

**Edward: No, I have the remote, and we're watching Liberty's Kids.**

**Alice: WHAT?**

**Edward: I like the redhead… o.o**

**Bella: WHAT!!!???**

**Alice: If you don't turn the channel—oh, I see Bella going back to Jake since he's free and since you won't let us watch TV.**

**Jake: YOU DO:OD**

**Bella: You _do?_**

**Edward: Bella, what does Jake have to do with watching Pokemon?**

**Bella: -In an echoey voice- Hmm… I don't want Eddie falling in love with that redhead, and I want to see Pikachu too anyways… what the hell, why not?**

**Edward: Bella… Why are you talking into a can?**

**Bella: -throws can on the other side of the room- I'm making a dramatic effect by expressing my inner thoughts out loud… Um, sure, let's go to the MOVIES Jake!**

**Edward: NO! Fine, grrr, take the remote Alice.**

**Alice: Yipee! w**

**-Theme song plays and Alice and Jake sing along-**

**Alice and Jake: I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS!**

**Bella: Wtc, they changed the theme song!**

**Edward: they changed it a loooooong time ago, -.-**

**Alice and Jake: DUN DUN DUN DUN, TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST; TO TRAIN THEM IS MAH CAAAAAAAAUSE!**

**Bella: Um… guys… you're singing the wrong words… They updated the lyrics!**

**Alice: Wait a second; I'll be right back! –runs into the kitchen-**

**Edward: - curled up in a ball- I'm scared.**

**Bella: be afraid. Be very afraid.**

**Alice: EDWAAAAARD! WHERE DID ESME PUT THE SHARPIES?**

**Edward: Oh gawd, no!**

**Alice: PLLLLLEEEEEEESH?**

**Edward: LEFT OF THE FRIDGE! What am I doing?**

**Alice: THANKS! –runs back in-**

**Bella: Alice, why do you need a Sharpie?**

**Alice: -smears Sharpie on cheeks- Does that look like a Z?**

**Jake: Ooo, I want some!**

**Alice: No, it's MY Sharpie! Get your own.**

**-Ash jumps out of the screen and pulls them into the TV-**

**Edward: W-T-F?**

**(A/N: Mwahahahaha, more Pokemon randomnesses to come in the next chapter:K Note to Ten years and Hell's Unforgiven readers, I've still got writers block, it's STILL going to be a while… Sorry! By the way, Liberty's Kids IS cool, and it's got teh best theme song EVER! Seriously, xD Please review, thanks for reading!)**


	8. The Wiggles Brothers!

**(Hey guys! I might be inactive on all of my stories for a bit because I just found this ubber new Twilight role playing forum, and everyone there is so nice I'm addicted! By the way, I'm dedicating this chapter to the ubber people who deal with my randomness in the C-box: Jordan (Edward), Anna (Rosalie), Miss Bella, Addi, Stephine! Enjoy!)**

**Jake: Oh. Em. Gee. I'm on camera! –waves to camera- Hi Billy!**

**Alice: Camera? This is a reality show?**

**Ash: Woah. What kind of pokemonmonzzzz are you guysez?**

**Bella: We aren't Pokemon!**

**-Brock makes mini money men in the corner-**

**Jake: What are you doing?**

**Brock: That retarted AMY with her gay brother MATT and that hippie lezbo SUNSET all stole my job, so I spend the rest of my days here on the set making these awesome mini money men.**

**Alice: … Why?**

**Brock: Because they're better than origami birds, that's why!**

**Jake: It's MAY, MAX AND DAWN, GAWD!**

**Edward: I don't know what's scarier, the fact that we're on a 7 year old's Chinese show or that you know the character's names.**

**Jake: JAPANESE!**

**Alice: Scarier.**

**Ash: -Sings to self and does hand signs- Chinese, Japanese, milk carton, DOLLY PARTON!**

**Bella: Where's Misty?**

**Edward: BELLLLAAAA! WHY ARE YOU BETRAYING ME?**

**Alice: Would you be happier if I told you Misty is a redhead like Elizabeth? (A/N: From Liberty's Kids)**

**Edward: -drools- Is she?**

**Jake: Actually she is.**

**-Misty pops in-**

**Misty: Hay guys! –has ubber blonde hair.**

**Jake: NOOO, YOU'RE A FREEKIN BRITNEY SPEARS FOLLOWER, FIRST YOU WERE A REDHEAD NOW UR LIKE… A BLONDE!**

**Alice: That's not Britney Spears!**

**Jake: Fine. Jamie.**

**Alice: You are SO sad! LL the one that went from redhead to blonde!! And besides, that was like, so 5 years ago!**

**Jake: Is LL like, a rapper or something?**

**Alice: -grits teeth- Lindsay. Lohan.**

**Ash: OOH, OHH, PICK ME! PICK ME!**

**Bella: What? Whatever, what do you want?**

**Ash: I wanna be MICHAEL JACKSON!**

**Bella: Um…okay?**

**-Ash drags his feet across the set-**

**Edward: Was that supposed to be the moonwalk?**

**Ash: I. Don't Know. :o**

**Alice: Edward, you DO know Michael Jackson!**

**Edward: Yepperz! He's a basketball player with AIDS:33**

**Alice: -screams- NO! I DON'T EVEN KNOW SPORTS AND THAT'S MICHEL JORDAN AND MAGIC JOHNSON! Wait… how DO I know that?**

**Brock: I know Michael Jackson.**

**Bella: You do?**

**Brock: Yep. And I know how he went gay.**

**Bella: YOU DO?**

**Brock: Yep.**

**-…-**

**Bella: HOW!?**

**-Brock grinz evilly-**

**Alice: Evilly? Bad choice of words…**

**Edward: OMFG, How do you do it, you're like, freekin blind!**

**Alice: Shut up! Wait, where's Pikachu?**

**Ash: -sniffle- He ran away to join the Wiggle Brothers.**

**Alice: Ew, that sounds wrong. Wiggle Brothers? I know everyone in the media, but no Wiggle Brothers…**

**Ash: Well d'oh, The Jonas Brothers and Wiggles got together and went gay since nobody likes them!**

**Alice: I like them… .-.**

**Jake: WHAT?**

**Alice: Er, The Jonas Brothers I mean.**

**Bella: Does that mean Pikachu went gay?**

**Ash: Well you know, there's 4 Wiggles and 3 Jonas Brothers, and nobody likes Kevin since his hair is retarded now, and nobody wanted to do a threesome…**

**Edward: Ew, that is so wrong.**

**Brock: I know, right? I mean, Kevin's like, the best!**

**Alice: No, Nick is! **

**Bella: what about Joe?**

**Edward: HEY!**

**Jake: So… Where's Pikachu now?**

**Ash: He's living with them now…**

**Brock: We have to go save him! Mini money men, ATTACK!**

**(A/N: More Wiggles Brothers to come the next time I can update… by the way, if you want the link to the role play just ask me, it's really awesome, small, and literate too… Hey, I can be literate when I want to be! Anyways, You can also talk to me LIVE on the C-box if you get bored, or if you want to role play my character is Vera, and yes there's a plot, but there's also a bunch of other different boards if you don't want to be in it. Enough advertising, TTYL!)**


	9. Since Turqoise and Mitchel Musso Are Gay

**(A/N: Mwahaha… I went bowling today and got 16 straight gutter-balls and my score at the end was 3… well, actually 20, but I quit halfway through because I was having a sugar rush, and then in my Crash Stage I felt like I was going to puke from so much soda, Skittles and french fries… So my friend took over near the end and bumped my score up some… So um, yeah, bathe in my glory as I, The Gutter Queen, add the next addition of TWILIGHT INTERVIEW GONE BAD… It isn't really an interview anymore, is it? By the way, I don't know the Wiggles' actual names, so I'm calling them by their colors, xD Happy Early Easter!)**

**AT THE WIGGLE BROTHERS HOUSEHOLD**

**Ken: Haaaaaaaaay guys**

**Kevin: Who the crap are you?**

**Ken: Barbie dumped me, can I join your band?**

**Nick: NO!**

**Ken: Why?**

**Purple: Because there's no one else for you to hook up with, unless we kick out Pikachu…**

**Ken: ZOMG PIKACHU?**

**Pikachu: -extremely low voice- Pika, pika.**

**Ken: That means whatever.**

**Kevin: Do you think a low manly voice makes you manlier, Pikachu? Well you weren't so manly LAST NIGHT!**

**Ken: Ew.**

**Yellow: No it doesn't, it means NEVER, -insert long stream of cusswords that would make this fanfiction M if it isn't already-**

**Ken: Oh yeah? Well… um… YOU'RE THE GAYEST OF ALL THE WIGGLESES! SO HA!**

**Yellow: We aren't the WIGGLESES anymore, we're the WIGGLE BROTHERS!**

**Ken: You're still gay.**

**Yellow: Why?**

**Ken: Yellow's a girly color.**

**Joe: Nope, purple is.**

**Purple: Why?**

**Joe: It's close to pink :3**

**Blue: Why'd you make a :3 face? Do you LIKE pink?**

**Joe: Well, pfft, I never said I hated it!**

**Ken: PLZZ! I'll be turquoise if you kick SOMEBODY out!**

**Kevin: Turquoise?**

**-The Twilight and Pokemon gang burst in-**

**Brock: We're here to save you Pika—Ooh, hay Ken!**

**Jake: You know Ken?**

**Brock: Well he's better than those scary peg-leg boy Bratz!**

**Edward: You played with Barbies?**

**Brock: They weren't Barbies! Barbie is a person, and shouldn't be pluralized! They were… Anti-feminine action figures.**

**Bella: Anti-feminine?**

**Brock: WHATEVER! I didn't know how to fold mini-money-men FOREVER!**

**Alice: Whatever, we HAVE to save Pikachu!**

**Ash: Do we?**

**Pikachu: PIKA?**

**Kevin: He said WHAT?**

**Edward: Mm, the translator? – AH BAD IMAGES! I'm scarred for life!**

**Kevin: Hehehe…**

**Edward: ZOMG! That is so wrong, Kevin! Pokemon don't have nipples!**

**Bella: Edward, are you okay?**

**Edward: AH, THE FLUFFY LEMON YAOI, IT BURNS! –Writhes on floor-**

**Bella: Haha.**

**Alice: You're laughing?**

**Bella: Kevin's as bad as Jane, terrible hairstyle included. Hehehehehehe…**

**Alice: Once again: YOU'RE LAUGHING?**

**Bella: Well, tchya!**

**Alice: That's mean:-(**

**Edward: Belllllllaaaaa!**

**Ash: …Where's this Jacob?**

**Bella: Hehehe…**

**Alice: -smacks Bella- Stop that, we have to help Edward! Wow, um, Bella… last I checked you were only a little taller than me…**

**Bella: Um… Broccoli. Yes, I made mutated broccoli that gave me a ginormus growth spurt.**

**Alice: Oh, okay! And since when did your voice get so low?**

**Bella: …Steroids?**

**-Babe Ruth walks in-**

**Babe Ruth: Mmmm…. Good stuff, mah friend.**

**-Babe Ruth exits-**

**Nick: Ah, yes, Babe Ruth… good times…**

**Bella: Poor Hannah:-( **

**Blue: So… um… you don't want Pikachu anymore?**

**Ash: Naw, go ahead and take 'im, I've had him for like, 14 years anyways, or well, since '94. Don't mice only live for like, 2 years?**

**Brock: WTF, where's Jake?**

**Bella: Heeheehee.**

**Edward: What did you do with Bella, Jake?**

**"Bella" aka Jake: Aww…**

**Edward: All you did was put on one of Purple's blouses and miniskirts.**

**Purple: Hay, why were you going through my man-thong drawer?**

**Edward: -starts writhing again-**

**Alice: Ew, I was wondering why you haven't shaved your legs in a while "Bella"! What did you do to the real Bella?**

**Jake: Nuthin… Just, er…Well, um… Hannah Montana took her hostage.**

**Alice: Oh no! How?**

**Jake: They kidnapped her on the way here.**

**Edward: -finally stops twitching- And you didn't say anything?**

**Jake: It was the perfect opportunity to wear a miniskirt!**

**Alice: … Bella doesn't WEAR miniskirts, anyways!**

**Jake: -shifty eyes-**

**Brock: Er, you guys go ahead, Ash and I are going to join the Wiggles Brothers:o**

**Ash: Yay!**

**Jake: Wow.**

**Kevin: So you're leaving me out?**

**Edward: -finally stops twitching- No… you're coming with us… Mitchel's going to need a new buddy; otherwise he looks gay hanging out with Emily and Miley.**

**Jake: He is gay.**

**Alice: -gasp- Yay, Eddie, you know their names! I'm so proud to call you my brother! –glomps-**

**Edward: Get off me! And don't call me Eddie! We have to go save Bella!**

**Jake: Can we save her?**

**Alice: You say, you say, we can't do anythang, I say, I say we can do anythang! **

**Edward: those aren't the words are they?**

**Alice: … No. :-( Way to ruin my ego, Eddie!**

**(A/N: Get ready for Hannah Montana randomness, coming up!)**


	10. Handy Manny is on STEROIDS!

**(A/N: Hey people! Does anyone watch Death Note? Omg, if you haven't seen my blog yet, I'm totally obsessed, with Near especially!! :33 Maybe even more than Edward, which is saying something, but anyways, I need help. A few months ago I saw this vid on YouTube about someone with Barbies making up Edward and Bella's wedding, and they casted Jake as a cat, it was hilarious! … Anyways, I lost it, I tried searching stuff like "funny Barbie wedding twilight" etc, but I can't find it ANYWHERE! And I wanted to see it again… :( Anyways, if someone could give me a link or something that'd be spectacular and Near and I would share our Play-Doh with you, :3 Eh… Anyways, here's the next chapter of INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRES TWILIGHT STYLE!)**

**-Everyone runs into the beach set-**

**Ken: O-M-G! IT'S FREAKING HANNAH MONTANA!**

**Hannah: Effin niblets!**

**Edward: Wow that sounds so wrong.**

**Alice: What did you do with Bella?!**

**Lilly: Mwahaha…**

**Oliver: ZOMG, where'd you guys come from?**

**Jake: The Wiggles Brother's house.**

**Lilly: But--**

**Alice, Ed and Jake: DON'T ASK!**

**Hannah: Oh, the old Jonas Brothers? I haven't seen them in soooo long… Where's my Nick? He left me just as Nick Jr. came along!**

**Jake: Nick Jr.? OMG ISN'T THAT THE CHANNEL WITH BUNNYTOWN?! AND HANDY MANNY!?**

**Edward: o.0**

**Jake: Err, I mean… Um… Manlytown… yep, where everyone kills everybody. Yeah. Lots of gore.**

**Alice: How do you explain Handy Manny?**

**Jake: He's a handy MAN! Duh, it's a about a Mexican terrorist that gives his tools steroids and nicotine so they fly around fixing people's um… Windows… which were shot out in the WAR at the finale of the first season… yeah…**

**Hannah: Nope, Nick and I had a BABY! We broke the pattern, though. Britney had one, then Lindsay, then Jamie Lynn, Britney's little sister, so Lindsay's little sister (A/N: Yes she has one) should've been next. OH WELL!**

**Ken: I don't get why she LIKES the old Jonas Brothers, they're stupid, and—**

**Jake: You're the one who wanted to join them.**

**Ken: POO YOU! Well—**

**Hannah: They're better than the Naked Brothers—**

**Jake: ROFLMFAO!!**

**Hannah: --Band. Idiot.**

**Lilly: Well DUUUUH! The Naked Brothers band is obviously starting their PUBERTY! That's why they sing like girls!**

**Oliver: I don't like the p-word!! :(**

**Lilly: What, piss?**

**Oliver: You didn't even SAY—No!**

**Lilly: Oooh, period.**

**Oliver: WHAT? Wtc is that?**

**Hannah: Well— -stupid HM cast distracted-**

**Edward: PSSST! ALICE! Go get Bella!**

**Alice: Where is she?**

**-stong wind blows and Jake's miniskirt goes up-**

**Edward: ACK! JACOB, TAKE THAT MINISKIRT OFF!**

**Jake: Ew, Edward, I know we've known each other a while, and we were in a tent together one night, but—**

**Edward: WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?**

**Jake: I don't wear pants; I'm a werewolf, d'oh!**

**Edward: Jake, I thought you didn't wear _shirts_, not pants!**

**Jake: Oh yeah, that's right… Hmmm…**

**Alice: WHERE'S BELLA?**

**Edward: Okay, here's what we'll do. Go find Bella, leave Ken here. 'Kay?**

**Alice: Oh, genius plan, redhead.**

**Edward: Whatever, ready? Break!**

**Jake: Hmmm, I think I know where she might be. One time, there was this episode where Jackson didn't refill the toilet paper, so Billy Ray Cyrus was left in the bathroom reading shampoop bottles. **

**Edward: Shampoop?**

**Jake: Well doi, that's why Miley's hair is brown.**

**Edward: Who's Miley?**

**Alice: You knew last chapter!**

**Edward: I was reading my script!**

**Alice: Then leave this to us—Jacob, why were you watching Hannah Montana?**

**Jake: … Um… it was the only thing on… Stupid Time Warner…**

**Edward: Wow, considering you watch "Manlytown" and "Handy Manny" it makes me wonder what else was on, if it was worse than THAT.**

**Jake: Well, there was LazyTown, and it totally helps workout mah guns –flexes microscopic muscles- but Stephanie acting all gay.**

**Alice: Who's Stephanie? Isn't that the pink haired girl?**

**Jake: Yep, she's purdy… :3**

**Alice: Creepy. Well, let's go find Bella!**

**Oliver: EWW!! I SO DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!**

**Lilly: Sorry!**

**Hannah: Who's Bella?**

**Edward: Short brunette, floral scent…**

**Alice: Bad sense of fashion, hates shopping… **

**Jake: Wet blanket, bad at punching, always nagging, in love with freekin leeches…**

**Edward & Alice: o.o**

**-Jake continues rambling-**

**Lilly: Oh, I think we saw her, didn't Rico take her hostage?**

**Hannah: Oh yeah, they're over there behind that shack; he wanted to play 7 Minutes in Heaven.**

**Edward: -busts a vein- YAAAARGH! I'LL SAVE YOU BELLA!**

**Jake: Wow, hehe, he'd freak if I told him what Bella and I really did after that night at the campfire in La Push….**

**Edward: AHA! Bella… You… and this 7 YEAR OLD?**

**Rico: -deep manly voice- Hehehehehe…**

**Jake: AH! MEXICAN TERRORIST! He's been giving Bella SPEED, CRANK, ICE, ETC! Hehehe, I looked that up on Wikipedia, Edward, so I must be smarter than you. Do you know what Speed, Crank and ice are? Of course you don't, because you aren't caught up with this generation like I AM! **

**Edward: They're other words for Meth. Would you SHUT UP?**

**Bella: EDWARD! –glomps- You FINALLY saved me!**

**Alice: Okay, we got Bella, now… How do we get out of the T.V.?**

**(A/N: I'm so sorry, I totally dissed BunnyTown, but really I think it's cool, B3 Actually I died laughing myself at the Handy Manny part, but anyways, by the way, I'd like to thank my little sister for helping me with the character names and episode help, I know their celeb names because I adore Tiger Beat, but I never watch the show – luckily, ;) Please review, thankies!!)**


	11. Werepuppy Meeting Magic Treehouse Style!

**(A/N: Haha, the line about Jake's boyfriend is an actual quote from a guy in my art class, long story. xD And now I present you: WEREPUPPY MEETING! When they were preteens, I think it's pretty good since I'm their age in this chappie and can relate… well, no, they're boys, but you know what I mean! By the way, has anyone else seen who they acsted for Sam for the movie? Solomon Timble, I think. He looks way older than 20, lol, I saw him on Flickr)**

**-Somehow the gang magically popped out of the TV and has mysteriously not noticed and quickly changed the subject-**

**Edward: Wow, Jake, you had a pretty pathetic childhood… well, no, you're still in your childhood… :K**

**Jake: Are you joking? It was awesome, and I had all the ladies, since, you know, I'm ladies man. Sorry to break it to you, Bella, but I was a play boy I was so awesome, of course, now that I have you we can--**

**Bella: Um…**

**Edward: Rawr. And no, we're already legally bonded WITH a child, so ha.**

**Jake: -long beeping sound-**

**Alice: What colorful language, anyways, what WAS your pathetic preteen life like?**

**Jake: AWESOME—**

**Edward: He was such a geek he was looked down on by the chess club.**

**Jake: OH YEAH? WELL THEN LET'S HAVE A FlAsHbAcK! WoOoOoOo!**

**WOOSH!**

**-Flashback-**

**Superman Narrarator: Today on the 42****nd**** episode of "The Geeks that make You Look Good" we find our Geek friends up in Jacob Black's tree house… before it was turned into a garage of cans… o.0**

**Embry: Omfg r u guys lyk reddy fr r 1****st**** tree house meetin?**

**Jared: Embry. Don't try. Please. It'll hurt your brain, and we all know how you are when you have a brain fart.**

**Paul: Hehehe…**

**Quil: OOOOOH, EMBRY, YOU SAID THE F-WORD I'M TELLING YOUR MOMMY ON YOU!**

**Sam: What am I doing in a tree house full of 12 year olds? I'm in high school!**

**Quil: We're dragging you down, aren't we? Well ha; you're just as bad as we are!**

**Sam: At least I have a girlfriend, man, if Leah saw me up here… I bet none of you have girlfriends, well, have any of you ever asked anyone out?**

**Jake: No, I don't have a boyfriend.**

**-Everyone bursts out laughing-**

**Paul: -gigglesnort-**

**Jared: What the crap is a gigglesnort?**

**Jake: What'd I say?**

**Embry: Jake, are you gay?**

**Jake: -smacks head- Oh. My. Gosh. I can't believe I just got my words mixed up, excuse me guys, L-M-D-O!**

**Sam: D?**

**Jake: Donkey. If I say A Quil will—**

**Quil: OOOOOOOH, JACOB, YOU SAID THE A-WORD I'M TELLING YOUR MOMMY ON—**

**Jared: Would you SHUT UP? He said the letter A!**

**Sam: Whatever, Jake, just correct yourself so Paul will stop laughing maniacally.**

**Paul: Bwahahahahahahaha!**

**Jake: Fine, I don't have any boyfriends OR girlfriends!**

**Paul: Hehehe…**

**Jake: WHAT!?**

**Sam: You just—**

**Jake: OH MY GOD!**

**Quil: OOOOOOHHHHHHH, JACOB, YOU SAID THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN, I'M TELLING YOUR PREACHER ON YOU—**

**Jared: -throws Quil out the window-**

**Paul: I thought I was the one with anger problems!**

**Embry: Nah, you have laughing problems.**

**Paul: Hehehe…**

**Sam: Jacob, -shakes shoulders- ARE YOU OKAY?**

**Leah: -from down the ladder- Hey, squirts, have you guys seen Sam—OMG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!**

**Quil: -from down in the yard- OOOOOOHHHH, LEAH, YOU SAID THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN, JUST LIKE JACOB! I'M TELLING OUR PREACHER ON BOTH OF YOU!**

**-Flashback poofs-**

**WOOSH!**

**-Flash forward-**

**Jake: Hehe, that was fun, it was like Magic Tree House! You know, with the time traveling, and plus, we were IN A TREE HOUSE! Hilarious, right? –dies laughing-**

**Alice: Playboy? Um… right…**

**-Bella cries-**

**Edward: Aw, what's wrong lovie?**

**Jake: Oooh, Edward, are we playing pirates?**

**Edward: Shut up!**

**Bella: -sniffle- I couldn't even punch a geek like him! And we echanged spit! –bawls-**

**Jake: Balls? Ew.**

**Alice: Oh my god, Jacob, shut UP!**

**-Quil runs In-**

**Quil: OOOOOHHHHH, ALICE, YOU SAID THE—**

**Edward: Don't even get us STARTED!**

**(A/N: Hahaha, hope you enjoyed, I just had to add a chapter dedicated to the pack, please review!)**


	12. Because Perry the Platypus is Smexy

**(A/N: Back from the dead. Temporarily. I'm reaching out of my genre range – romance and fantasy – to get a taste for more books and increase my minute (hehe, it means small, not always a form of time, I'm improving D) vocabulary and literacy level, hopefully I'll be able to improve my writing style too. My non-fanfiction book is actually doing pretty food, I just haven't posted it anywhere on the Internet yet because I restarted it and deleted anywhere that I did have it, XP If anyone cares I'll put it on my deviantart, I kinda-sorta quit GoodReads ;, but for now I'm still obsessing over Maple Story. Is anyone else on it? D This chapters for my Boiled French Fry Rachel, ) Her crush totally destroyed her spirits, and I've actually gone up to him and have been yelling at him – asking her herself her username's toniponi11 D – and now she's mad at me for almost "accidently" tripping him on his crutches. Sadly I didn't put him on them. ,( So anyways I owe her an apology, and here it is. Gawd, that was a long Author's Note. O.o)**

**Early Morning At the Cullen Household**

**-doorbell rings-**

**Edward: Alice go get it.**

**Alice: Don't sit there drinking coffee and reading the newspaper in your underwear like you just woke up, you've been awake all night D:**

**Bella: Really, Edward, go get it.**

**-Alice and Bella share evil grin and devious laugh-**

**Edward: Zomahgawd, what's wrong here? Bella snorting in an attempt to laugh evilly? And Alice wearing an Indiana Jones hat complete with lasso? Something's up…**

**Alice: Just open the dam door Edward!! .**

**Edward: What ev.**

**Alice: Don't even say 'What ev" unless you know who John Mayer is.**

**Edward: But I don't.**

**Alice: Then don't.**

**Edward: Fine. –saunters to the door and opens it-**

**Rachel: -at the door- HAY Y'ALLLLL!! 3**

**Edward: WTF?**

**Alice: Hey Rachel! Edward, meet Rachel, she's the winner of your contest!**

**Edward: What contest?**

**Bella: Your fanclub's contest. Alice set it up so one lucky fangirl got to spend the day with you if they wrote an essay on why they love you so much.**

**Edward: WHAT?**

**Rachel: Edward, you don't have the British accent I imagined you to have…**

**Edward: Huh?**

**Alice: Duh. Only Simon Cowell and Ferb (from Phineas and Ferb) can pull one off anyways.**

**Rachel: Then he should dye his hair green.**

**Edward: YOU'RE TALKING LIKE I'M NOT EVEN HERE! –pokes Rachel- What did your essay say anyways?**

**Bella: -clears throat and pulls out a paper- 'Edward Cullen is hot – well, freekin freezing cold, but SMEXY HAWTT! Almost smexier than Spongebob—'**

**Edward: You're comparing me to Spongebob?**

**Rachel: At least you can play the noseflute.**

**Edward: How did you know that?!**

**Bella: ANYWAYS, 'Werewolves are icky and sweaty. And they have gaudy curtainy-hair. And they creep me out with their pervertedness. Eww.' She rambles pretty much the rest of the time.**

**Edward: Why'd she win? That sucked.**

**Bella: There were a lot of Jake fangirl letters flaming you.**

**Edward: but polls on Google Fight said I win! TT.TT**

**Bella: Yeah well in the first chapter of Breaking Dawn everyone felt sorry for Jacob and got mad at me for being a whore and you for marrying me and actually planning to turn me into a vampire for real, and once they realized they have no chance with you they turned to Jacob. (A/N: True story in my case. I read the first chapter at Barnes and Noble with Rachel, D)**

**Edward: What ev—**

**Alice: -ahem-**

**Edward: -er.**

**Alice: Plus Taylor Laurent –without his wig- is cuter than Robert Pattinson, who portray you two in the movie. (A/N: Also true.)**

**Edward: No fair. I get an ugly actor. :(**

**Jacob: -out the window- HAHA!**

**Bella: Odd… well, anyways, we set this up so that Alice and I could have a Girl's Day Out without you peeing in on Alice's mind for our every move.**

**Edward: I still can. :K**

**Alice: Rachel is very… **_**hyper-active**_**, you'll have enough time trying to keep up with her rather than us.**

**Edward: Joy.**

**Rachel: Hehehehehehehehehehehe, :)**

**(A/N: Short chappie. It's a setup for the next one; I just want to see if anyone's still willing to read this fanfic, so review if you want more!! And yes Spongebob is smexy. Yes I think I like Jacob more now, and yes I watch Phineas and Ferb. Perry the platypus is smexy too, ;D)**


	13. It's like masturbating for dogs,I swear!

**A/N: I got a bunch of emails the other day from FanFiction from author alerts, story alerts and comments! I was confused at first, and then I remembered "OH NOES, I GOTTA STORY ON FANFICTION O:) Well, I'm caught up in school, MapleStory and relationship problems right now, but I decided to add another chapter for the first time in – what? More than 6 months? I'm not a fan of Twilight anymore, though. I hated Breaking Dawn, the Twilight movie and how overrated it's become. Long story and I won't rant, but here's a short chapter 'cause, you know, I'm not dead yet...**

**Starting fresh, not continuing from the last chapter just because… Eye dee kay. [:**

**There are spoilers.**

**And my sense of humor has changed. It's kind of more vulgar I think. That's what people have told me.**

*****

**-at the Cullen house… as usual-**

**Bella: Edwarrrrrd you look so sexy in a bunny costume!**

**Edward: (in a giant Easter bunny costume you see at the mall, not PlayGirl/Boy ;3) Moohoohaha, I do, don't I?**

**Alice: Nuu, Edward, don't be modest.. Bella, go get Jacob out of my closet upstairs...**

**(Jacob doesn't reply)**

**Bella: He's probably a wolf or something—**

**Edward: Jacob, now is not the time to be expressing your anal glands… God, oh… God, please! STOP, DAMIT!**

**Alice: In my closet? NUU D:**

**Bella: He can go wolf in a closet? Isn't he kind of too big?**

**Edward: It's Alice's closet.**

**Bella: Right.**

**(Alice moaning and whining in the background)**

**Bella: Where's—**

**Renesme: (runs through the door) I'M GOING EMO!**

**Edward: I saw that coming. (smmmirk)**

**Renesme: Freak.**

**Bella: Aw, honey, what's wrong?**

**Renesme: MY NAME! WHY THE HELL DID YOU NAME ME 'RENEZZMAY?' Why couldn't I be Carly, like Charlie and Carlisle?! Renee and Esme Do. Not. Mix!**

**Bella: So… why are you going Emo again?**

**Renesme: I HATE THE WORLD! I'M GOING TO GO LISTEN TO DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL—**

**Alice: They aren't Emo…**

**Edward: Stop with the caps, please.**

**Renesme: NO! I WON'T! AND THEY ARE EMO, THAT'S WHAT THE EMO KIDS AT MY SCHOOL LISTEN TO! RAWWWWR!**

**Bella: Edward I'm scared.**

**Edward: Hmm… I see… Let's go have sex all day in the shed in the backyard then!**

**Bella: Ohkies!**

**Edward: Slut.**

**Bella: *slllap!***

**(Edward and Bella run away)**

**Renesme: _________________ (scarred) DOUBLE-U TEE EFF!**

**Alice: Nessie, come on, everything will be okay, I would know.**

**Renesme: -sniff- NO! I'M JUST GOING TO GO SQUEEZE INTO SOME SKINNY JEANS AND CRY!**

**Alice: Don't go upstairs.**

**Renesme: WHY SHOULDN'T I?**

**(Jacob walks downstairs)**

**Jacob: Ahh, that was refreshing!**

**Renesme: You… YOU!**

**Jacob: Heyy sweetie~**

**Renesme: I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU TOO!**

**Jacob: Ness, it's natural, I swear!**

**Renesme: No, it's not!**

**Jacob: Renesme, it's kind of like masturbation for dogs, you've gotta believe me, babe!**

**Renesme: What are you talking about—**

**Jacob: And about Emmet, I mean, come on! Don't tell me you have **_**never**_** felt attracted to the same sex either!**

**Alice: Wow, this is so awkward.**

**Renesme: --Jacob… what are you talking about?**

**Jacob: What are you talking about?**

**Renesme: YOU RAPED MY MOTHER!**

**Jacob: Oh. That. Yeah…**

**Renesme: THAT ISN'T NATURAL!**

**Jacob: Uh, I can explain… And by the way, I was kidding about all of the, uhm, gay stuff to… Ahaha… ha…. Ha… Gee, Nessie, I didn't know you could growl like that…. You look angry… Oh God…**


End file.
